Today I had my first post-op doctor’s appointment. I have been feeling like I am healing beautifully and pretty fast but now I finally got to hear the real deal from the doc. She was in agreement with me. When she looked at my chest she smiled and clapped and said they looked amazing. (I will always accept this response when removing my shirt please!) The swelling has gone down so much. I am still pretty bruised up and my breasts are going through their rainbow kaleidoscope of color changes phase in different places as they heal. I trust her completely as she is a breast cancer survivor and knows this from the inside out. I gave her my drain tube paper where Tim and I have been measuring and writing down the output, frequency and color when we emptied my drain tubes over the past week and a half. She read over it and said that I could get my tubes removed right then and there! I was so excited! They’ve been hard to sleep with and just exist with in general. Not painful in any way… just tubes hanging out of my body…. ’nuff said. The removal process wasn’t painful at all. They cleansed my skin and removed the sutures holding the tubes in place and then she said to take a deep breath. The tubes were very long and kind of coiled in each breast. (Like a snake! Previous post connection) It was an odd sensation to feel the tube loop around and slide out but it really didn’t hurt. She did the other side and showed me the length of the tubes. I wish I would have taken a picture. Those babies were way longer than I expected. She bandaged up my side and told me to watch out for any weird lumps on the side, as it could be a little pus pocket, and sent me on my way. I sashayed into the world tube free! My friend gave me a ride to the doctor so we decided to get brunch to celebrate. At brunch I thought I was feeling incredibly sweaty. I felt drips going down my arm. I peeked into my poncho and realized I was covered in blood! Darn it. We got some napkins from the hostess and I dabbed up the blood off of my undershirt and stuck some napkins into the side of my mastectomy-camisole, over the saturated bandages and kept on brunching and having a nice time. I never got dizzy or anything, my body would have been releasing all that into the tubes anyways. It just needed a moment to realize that it was my body’s tissue’s time to start absorbing the blood. It’s all good now. I popped an iron pill when I got home to be safe and I’m feeling fine! It apparently did take a lot out of me to be in the outside world though because I slept for hours when I got back home. I have to keep reminding myself to take it easy and step by step. I have an incredibly high pain tolerance and I feel so mentally on and unstoppable. It’s hard for me to slow down sometimes. I have to chill and heal so I am back in cocoon mode and reading and coloring and taking it easy. All movie/show/book suggestions will happily be accepted! Thank you!
Just waking up at 1pm…. haven’t done this since high school! Sick leave does have it’s upsides…
I have been having dreams heavily featuring snakes since my surgery. I’m pretty sure this represents my physical and energetic transformation as snakes often shed their skin. I’m shedding and rebuilding myself in a major way. I think the snakes are reminding me to stay grounded too, since they dwell on the earth. Another side is that snake venom can be poisonous, and that was true of my BRCA+ breasts. It may also stem from sleeping with my drain tubes and not wanting to bend them in any way. In any case I am feeling a connection to my slithery pals right now. (This snake is my old pal Egon)
I had my first minor recovery hiccup. The drain tube from the side of my left breast was not draining. I tried “milking it” several times as suggested but it wasn’t helping. I really didn’t want to have to call the doctor so my husband and I sanitized our hands and a bobby pin. We were able to scrape out plasma from the tube that had totally been blocking off the suction and flow. I had been feeling dizzy all day and I think it was from my breast not draining. It was kind of a long process and my husband definitely touched chunks of my plasma…. I’m trying to brainstorm ways to show my gratitude to him for all of the incredible things he has been helping me through. So far all of my ideas pale in comparison to the level of amazing that he is.
My personal mantra of the day: I am beautiful. I love my body. I love my scars. I love everything this spacesuit has gone through with me and I’m ready for the next adventure. I am currently a praying-mantis terminator and I am loving this stage of my growth. I can’t really lift my arms beyond this position but I can walk around without getting dizzy or off balance now. Tim and I went on a date to the movies last night to celebrate the one week mark of my mastectomy. It was nice to get out of the house and get fresh air but still keep it chill and not push myself too hard. I’ve been wearing a lot of ponchos and capes lately to hide my drain tubes and pose as a normal member of society. (?) Tomorrow is my first doctor’s appointment post-operation. I am hoping that she will okay getting my drains removed, as they have not been putting out very much blood or plasma. One week is a really short time to be hoping to get the tubes out, but that’s where my terminator self comes into play! I’m feeling pretty strong. I’m eager to to get permission to wiggle around like my manic self again. All I can do is wait until tomorrow and see what she says… The swelling in my breast continues to ease up every day. I have my temporary spacers in until we do the breast reconstruction. I will be getting some saline injected into them soon. The spacers are hard, like really hard. They do not feel like boobs. Thankfully my permanent silicon implants will be soft and more natural to the touch. I don’t really know what to expect. I feel like my boobs have taken on a life of their own and I am just their hostess and I’m kind of just looking forward to what they will do next. Crazy kids!One week post mastectomy.